2010 Predictions

This is a revelation: I am a seer. Yes, I possess powers normal beings fail to have: ESP. You know those instances when a vivid picture of a situation suddenly flashed in your mind and right then and there, as if on cue, it happens? Or a sudden surge of instinct tells you what card will be dealt next while playing tong-its? I have those. Most of the time.

And now another year has just kicked off, my mind started barfing visions of the events that will transpire in the next 365 and ¼ days. Here are my startling predictions:

1. Marian Rivera will be dumb (as in mute).

2. There will be an antidote for MELASON (yes, I’m a KJ).

3. Aljur and Kris will finally learn how to act.

4. The EB Babes will finally learn what synchronicity means (mind you, I like the EB Babes, hehe).

5. Manny Pacquiao will have a straight vision (I mean, you know, he’ll concentrate on boxing alone).

6. Ana Ivanovic will win a Grand Slam. <3

7. BF will be the next veep.

8. Jojo Binay will come out of the dark and will realize what hypocrisy means.

9. PGMA will fall in a manhole.

10. Manholes will fill the Palace.

11. Ladies who leave their hair untied while riding a jeepney will be burned at the stake.

12. Spitting in public will earn you a one-way ticket to Muntinlupa.

13. There will be no more pickpockets on footbridges.

14. People will learn how to dispose their trash properly.

15. There will be no more floods.

16. The Philippines will be a first world country.

17. Badong will soon find where his missing properties are.

18. Badong and his group will have passing marks in their thesis defense.

19. Badong’s thesis will be hailed as the most outstanding thesis in the land.

20. Badong will IMMEDIATELY find a job (after bumming for four months).

21. Badong will have lesser grammatical errors.

22. Badong will make it to the headlines (not as a criminal, hopefully).

23. Badong will lessen his parenthetical remarks (I’ll try).

24. Badong will not be corny (I’ll really try).

25. Badong will –

Fine! Fine! I’m a fraud. I’m no Nostradamus or a Madam Auring (thankfully). You can now stab me zealously. This article simply sprang forth because of the absurdity of the predictions from these self-proclaimed psychics I see on TV. Just consider this particular prediction: Prepare for an intensity 6 earthquake that will hit the Philippines especially the Metro Manila area during the third quarter of the year. Mmm-kay. PREPARE for an earthquake. That sounds practical. Should I tie our furniture items to the wall come July? Ridiculous.

This is a revelation: I am a liar. But call me a visionary instead.