Harry Potter and the Theater Imps

Yes, this is intended to be a Harry Potter post but I decided not going to make a review about it. Let’s just say the movie was superb. Probably six times better than the previous one (Order of the Phoenix; Prizoner of Azkaban remains on top of my list). Instead, I want to tell you about the ‘theater imps’.

They hide themselves inside the cold, dark corners of every movie theater. They are the small, shrill voices you hear in the background that definitely ruin your watching stint. No, they are not ghosts nor are they supernatural beings. They’re completely human and they’re utterly irritating.

They are more likely to show up in novel-based movies. But they could also spread doom in practically any movie, provided they are highly anticipated. They often express their grudge over the distorted story-telling (“Oh, bakit yun na agad?” or “Ganito dapat yung sasabihin niya…!” ) but more often they will spoil the next scene (“Tapos ang mangyayari dyan…” or “Ayan na, ayan na!” ). And like an over-eager Lola Basyang, they will tell the rest of the story to their innocent member and devastate the moment of their neighbors.

Hey, theater imps, do you really think you’re cute? Fine, you loooove the book. You know every inch of the novel by heart. But do you honestly expect the producers to translate it to film word for word? Maybe you misinterpreted the word ‘adapted’ and thought it’s synonymous to ‘verbatim’? Or perhaps you’ve already seen the movie or read the synopsis and reviews beforehand. But do you really have to spoil it? If you couldn’t help your mouth, then please, help it. Fudge you.

So to the hardworking law-makers of this wonderful country, I propose you pass a law regarding illegal chit-chatting inside the theater. ‘Illegal chit-chatting’, to avoid ambiguity, refers to re-telling the story of a novel-based movie and spoiling the next scene in the movie he/she already watched. Law offenders will be required to recite the whole film verbatim. Failure to do so will put them to eternal damnation. What a lovely country this would be!

But then again, we are all guilty.

PBA09620rp09