UPDATED: Four-Point Plan for a Successful Miss Universe Campaign

Ever wonder why Filipinos love beauty pageants? From the smallest barrio to the most prestigious competitions, from girls to guys to the in-betweens, from humans to animals and even lechon, believe me, walang pinalalampas ang Pinoy. However, recent years have shown that our dearest country isn’t having much luck on the most celebrated beauty contest in the world, the Miss Universe Beauty Pageant. So, trying to break the black drought, I propose four simple ways on how to have a successful Miss U campaign:

1. Naturalization of Venezuelans, Puerto Ricans, Brazilians, etc.

Admit it, but the competition has an obvious fetish for Latina beauties. Don't agree? Check Wikipedia. In our case, finding Latina-looking Filipinas could be a great option but when scarcity prevails, let the law take charge. We have a whole lot of Brazilians thriving in our country so make use of them!

2. Mandatory online voting for the Miss Photogenic Award.

One evident sign of the lack of unity in this lovely country is our failure to bag the highly coveted Miss Photogenic award for two consecutive years. That’s TWO CONSECUTIVE years of dearth preceded by a legendary THREE-PEAT. Common guys, make those fingers working! If we couldn’t make it in the top 15, then at least we are assured of a special award. Added exposure is very important.

3. Do it the Miriam way!

Now this goes to the delegate herself. Hold your head up high, toddle on the catwalk as if you’re a ghost floating on air and throw a banana peel you secretly hid behind your sash. Make sure to step on it. Then do the Miriam Quiambao move! See to it that you stand up as graceful as possible and at the end extend your arms to the crowd as if you’re saying “There you go, folks!” Two Miss USAs did it and it proved effective on them so why not give it a try? Audience impact din yon.

4. Use the ever reliable interpreter.

I know we Filipinos are very adept with using the international language, but just for this special event, let's pretend otherwise. For obvious reasons,it will benefit our representative big time. She will have ample time to think and give a very good answer as the question will be posed on her twice. Strategy!

Someday, the Philippines will conquer the universe.